


i am the one who kissed loneliness on his teeth

by sunsetdawn20



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Series, Sibling Bonding, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2251380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetdawn20/pseuds/sunsetdawn20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy always tells Octavia about the world out there and it doesn't matter that a lot of his stories are lies because it's not like she can prove him a liar. And he most definitely never tells her about Finn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i am the one who kissed loneliness on his teeth

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only 3 episodes into the series so *shrugs* I have no clue whatsoever but I love Bellamy and Octavia as perfect tragic siblings and I ship Finn/Bellamy for conveniently shallow reasons.

Whenever Bellamy gets home from the club he climbs under the floorboard and wraps himself around Octavia. Her face is in his neck, inhaling the remnants of stiff air and illegal alcohol and sweat clinging to his skin. Her fingers are digging hard into his arms as she's closing her eyes, trying to picture what it's like out there. 

"What did you drink this time?" she whispers against Bellamy's collarbone eagerly and he starts telling her about colours and flavours floating around in a glass, the way it is rumoured Grounders used to prepare alcohol. He never tells her the truth of how alcohol comes in rations and has no taste and no kick like he imagines it should. He never tells her that even the black market only sells filth that tastes like poison but will at least buy you an hour of oblivion for a month worth of salary. 

There are a lot of things he never tells her. Lying comes easy - it's not like Octavia can ever see for herself. 

"Did you pick up a girl?" she asks with a little smirk that always makes Bellamy chuckle despite himself. She's at that age now and it's not like she has anything else apart from too much time to fantasize about kissing boys. 

"When do I not?" Bellamy grins into his sister's hair. 

"Tell me," she says nudging his leg with her knee a bit harder than necessary. 

"Her hair was long and soft and it seemed to float around her as she was dancing." 

"What colour?" Octavia asks, like it matters and Bellamy says "Black" before he could remember to lie. 

"Did you approach her or did she come up to you?" 

Bellamy laughs. "Will you let me tell the story my way?" 

"Fine," Octavia sighs and Bellamy can tell she's pouting without even seeing her face. He runs his hand through her hair gently. 

"I was at the bar, drinking and suddenly there she was. Slightly flushed from dancing, her eyes green and open. She smiled like the world belonged to her - so much like you, O." 

"You kissed someone that looked like me?" she interrupts. "That's... disgusting." 

"What? No... oh shut up, you," Bellamy pokes her in the side, making her squeal. "You know how I mean." 

Her laughter is clear and loud and in moments like this it's so hard to remember that she's spent her entire life hidden away, trapped by the very people that love her most. But soon there's a knocking above their heads, Mother's warning to be quiet, and it makes Octavia tense. 

"She kissed me on the dance floor," Bellamy says quickly, before his sister's short temper could flare up and lead to yet another argument. "Her fingers were tangling in my hair and... and she tasted like sunshine." 

"That's a stupid thing to say... sunshine has no taste, and even if it did you wouldn't know what it's like," Octavia says sullenly, but there's also longing in her voice that saddens Bellamy. He wants to tell her that one day she'll be out there too, knowing what it's like to hold someone that isn't her brother, someone who will make her blood race faster - instead he tells her that the girl had a birthmark on her hip and that she was fierce in her kisses and that her arms around him were warm and perfect. 

Octavia smiles against his skin and Bellamy can't tell if she knows he's lying through his teeth. 

What he's not telling her is that there was no girl, only Finn. Finn, who grinned at him across the dance floor when he caught Bellamy staring. Finn, who dragged him into a broom closet, pushed him up against the wall and was already hard in his trousers before Bellamy even touched him. Finn, who doesn't know how not to smile into every kiss. Finn, who can make Bellamy tremble with a single look. 

He never told Octavia and never will. It's something Bellamy is determined to stop the second he figures out how to. 

"Did you make sure...?" 

"Of course," Bellamy says quickly to reassure her. Every time she asks this, every time she needs to hear that he took precautions, that he made sure not to leave that nameless girl with a burden to deal with on her own. And it's another reason Bellamy hates the Ark and everything it stands for, because a girl of Octavia's age should not be thinking so much about children never to be born and girls having to make decision that aren't their own. 

"Will you see her again?" Octavia asks, shifting in Bellamy's arms to look up at him. 

He shrugs. "I don't know..." he says, then adds firmly. "No." 

"Why?" 

"Just... I don't know. What's the point?" He's getting annoyed and trying not to. 

He knows he could never be with a man, his conscience would never allow it _because_ the Ark has embraced same-sex relationships as a means of controlling population growth. Anything that plays into their hands leaves a stale taste in Bellamy's mouth these days and fucking Finn is no exception. If being with another man was outlawed, or at least frowned upon, Bellamy wouldn't care, would even bask in an act of defiance every time he came inside Finn - but as it is, he knows it needs to stop. Even if the thought alone breaks something inside him.

He doesn't know how to explain to his sister that his hatred for the Ark and this whole system penetrates everything he touches; that nothing is free of the knowledge that his life isn't his own. Not because she wouldn't understand but precisely because she would. And that makes him furious. 

Octavia presses her face closer to his chest. "You need to be happy for both of us, you know." 

Bellamy grits his teeth and says nothing. 

The problem is that when he's with Finn he thinks he could be.


End file.
